Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling Heaven...
For English, press 1
For Spanish, press 2
For all other languages, press "0"
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for requests
Press 2 for Thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all other inquiries.
I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners
right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it
in the order in which it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding,
To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 5, then
enter his or her social security number followed by the pound hash "#" sign. If you
receive a negative response, please hang up and try area code 666.
For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the
If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please
contact your local pastor.